Laughter is a universal language that transcends barriers and brings joy to people from all walks of life. Funny jokes serve as a delightful way to lighten the mood and share moments of happiness. In the realm of English humor, there is a treasure trove of laugh-inducing jokes that cater to a diverse audience.
From clever wordplay and puns to witty observations about everyday life, English jokes span a wide spectrum of comedic styles. Whether you enjoy slapstick humor, dry wit, or absurd situations, there’s something for everyone. These jokes not only entertain but also create a sense of camaraderie by fostering shared laughter.
Join us on a journey through the world of laugh very funny jokes in English, where the goal is simple: to tickle your funny bone and leave you with a smile. Let’s explore.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes.
Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, “What are you doing?” “Playing a game,” the boy replied. “What is your name?” the officer questioned. “Mind Your Own Business.” Furious the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?!” The boy replied, “Why, yes.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks,
“Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A: Because he was always spotted.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A: Envelope.
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband replies, “First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!”
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.”
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A: Because it was soda pressing.
A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.”
The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”
A mom texts, “Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?”
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
He texts back, “I Don’t Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.”
The mom texts him, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister, love you too.”
Dad: “Can I see your report card, son?”
Son: “I don’t have it.”
Dad: “Why?”
Son: “I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents.”
Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
She gave me a hug.
Also Read: 500+ Good Morning Happy Friday Wishes | Friday Shayari In English
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Because he was outstanding in his field!
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don’t know y.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
It was two-tired.
How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
A carrot!
Parallel lines have so much in common.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Very Funny Jokes For Friends In English
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
Why did the bicycle collapse?
It was two tired.
Three friends, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first friend wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second friend wishes the same. The third friend says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”
Two friends talking:
1st: “Hey can I borrow some money? I’m broke.”
2nd: “Get money from your job.”
1st: “I got fired.”
2nd: “Why?”
1st: “My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside.
What did one toilet say to the other?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
You look a bit flushed!
Who did the zombie take to the prom?
His ghoul-friend!
Why did the melon jump into the lake?
It wanted to be a water-melon.
What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
You have to planet.
Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature that can live on the water as well as the land.
Student: Frog.
Teacher: Another example.
Student: Another frog.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
In case he got a hole in one.
Teacher: Tell me a way to prevent a disease which is caused by biting insects.
Student: Don’t get bitten by them.
The teacher is explaining to the student, “If you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.’
Student: But sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Teacher: why?
Student: Because you don’t have any hair.
What does the eagle say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
‘Let us prey.’
One time when I was talking to my mom’s co-worker he said that he had no friends. He said that all of his friends were either married or dead. And my friend who is with me says to him “What’s the difference?”
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
Because his friend said dinner is on me.
If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Good friends don’t let you do stupid things …alone.
Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. But it helps.
If you have friends as weird as you, then you have everything.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.
A good friend can finish your sentences… a best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
What do sea monsters eat?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Fish and ships.
I wanted to tell you a construction joke, but I cannot. Because it is still a work in progress!
What kind of music do planets like?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Neptunes.
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
Want to hear a joke about a roof?
The first one is on the house.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Because they use honeycombs.
Teacher: Suppose, you have 4 coins in your pocket and there is a hole in the pocket. All the four coins fall down from that hole. What will you have in your pocket?
Student: A-hole.
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.
Manager: What is your qualification?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Pappu: I’m Ph.D.
Manager: What do you mean by Ph.D.?
Pappu: Passed high school with difficulty.
Wife: Whenever we k-eep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don’t know what to do?Husband: Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them!
Husband and Wife had a Fight.
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Wife called Mom: He fought with me again, I am coming to you.
Mom: No, he must pay for his mistake, I am coming to stay with you!
Teacher: Suppose, you have 2$. You asked your mother for one more. How many would you have then?
Student: 2$
Teacher: Why?
Student: Because my mother won’t give me any.
What is the meaning of a true friend?
One who remembers your birthday but not your age!
What do you call friends who love math?
Laugh Very Funny Jokes In English
Algebros.
Why can’t you be friends with a squirrel?
They drive everyone nuts
Santa: I lost Rs 1000 in a bet,
Banta: How,
Santa: On cricket match, I bet Rs 500 and lost,
Banta: where did the rest go?
Santa: I bet on the highlight too!
You don’t have to be crazy🙃🙃 to be my friend. But it helps.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
Why was the torch happy?
It was lit.
What gets more wet the more it dries?
A towel!
Also Read: 500 Best Self Respect Quotes One Line & Shayari
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
How do you catch a squirrel?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
What did one plate say to another plate?
Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
He was outstanding in his field!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
How does a penguin build its house?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
Igloos it together!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
There was nothing left but de-brie.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
A blood orange.
I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
Frostbite.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
What did one hat say to the other?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
Stay here, I’m going on ahead!
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
He was outstanding in his field!
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
It was in tents.
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Why did the math book look sad?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
Because it had too many problems.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sophis-fish-ticated.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
They don’t have the guts!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
Chutkule Comedy Laugh Very Funny Jokes
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
Also Read: Beautiful 500+ One Line Life Quotes In English
Very Funny Jokes In English For Students
Getting nosy
Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Something between us smells!
How’s the water?
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves!
Historical funnies
Q: What did they drink on the Titanic?
A: Sanka!
Tech Time
Q: Why wouldn’t the elephant use the computer?
A: He was afraid of the mouse!
One for the grammar enthusiast…
Q: How do you comfort a grammar teacher?
A: Say… “They’re, there, their.”
What a good problem to have…
Q: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses in the classroom?
A: Because the class was so bright.
For the teachers with kinders.
Q: Which school teachers have the greenest thumbs?
A: The kinder-garden teachers.
Math teachers…
Q: Why was the geometry book so adorable?
A: Because it had acute angles.
Happens to the best of us…
Q: What do you call a teacher who forgot to take attendance?
A: Absent-minded.
Those math questions…
Teacher: If I had 8 oranges in one hand and 10 apples in the other hand, what would I have?
Student: Big hands!
Half a day for all…
Teacher: We will only have a half-day of school this morning…
Students: Yay!!!!
Teacher: Then we will have the other half this afternoon.
Ain’t that the truth…
Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school?
Student: I don’t know!
Teacher: Correct!
Yes, you…
Teacher: What are two pronouns?
Student: Who? Me?
Yummy!
Teacher: What did you do this weekend?
Student: I did some baking.
Teacher: Lovely, what did you bake?
Student: Synonym rolls just like grammar used to make!
Yikes!
Teacher: Give me a sentence beginning with “I.”
Student: I is the…
Teacher: Remember you must say “I am” not “I is.”
Student: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Geometry class…
Q: Why was the geometry class always tired?
A: Because they were all out of shape.
The king of the class…
Q: Who’s the king of the classroom?
A: The ruler.
Stationery fun…
Q: What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
A: Stop going in circles and get to the point.
Dictionary dig…
Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the first letter and the last.
School dance…
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?
A: Because he had no body to go with.
I saw the sign…
Teacher: Why are you late for school?
Student: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does the sign have to do with you being late?
Student: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
Something to ponder…
What if math teachers are pirates, and they just want us to find X so they can get the buried treasure?
A teacher who doesn’t know anything…
Child: I think we need a new teacher.
Mom: Why’s that?
Child: Our teacher doesn’t know anything! She keeps asking us for the answers…
A Halloween funny
Q: What’s a witch’s favorite class?
A: Spelling!
Calling on the classroom supplies
Q: Which crayon is a cat’s favorite?
A: Purrrrrr-ple
Times tables silliness
Teacher: Why are you doing multiplication on the floor?
Student: You said we had to do it without tables!
Alphabet antics
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
A: Arrrrrrr!
No homework
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Bad Jokes Laugh Very Funny Jokes
Why did the deer go to the dentist?
It had buck teeth.
Why did the computer get glasses?
It wanted to improve its website.
Did you hear about the medieval lamp?
It’s a knight light.
Where do chefs learn how to make ice cream?
At sundae school.
What did the Dalmatian say after dinner?
That hit the spot.
Where do elephants store their clothes?
In a trunk.
What did the lawyer wear to court?
A law suit.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
It lost its filling.
How do you identify a dogwood tree?
By its bark.
How do celebrities stay cool?
They have a lot of fans.
What’s the best way to watch a fishing show?
Live stream.
Quotes Laugh Very Funny Jokes
“Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” — Sandra Bullock
“Keep calm and carry a wand.” — A.W. Jantha, “Hocus Pocus & The All New Sequel”
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”
“I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw, “Sex and the City”
“The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.” — Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
“Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir
“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” ― Judith Martin
“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” ― Oscar Wilde, “The Picture of Dorian Gray”
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde
“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz
“Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher
“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek
“So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” — Neil Gaiman
“I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing, “Friends”
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ― Mitch Hedberg
Very Funny Jokes
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.
Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.
When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderpants
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
No pun in ten did.
How do you measure a snake?
In inches—they don’t have feet.
Where does a waitress with only one leg work?
IHOP.
What does a house wear?
Address!
Why are toilets always so good at poker?
They always get a flush
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
You heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…
Wait, where are we again?
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Boy:Hey can i touch ur software?
Girl: first show me ur hardware?
..
.
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Boy: can i install it in ur system?
Girl: Ok…… but cover it with antivirus, then install it.
Boy to girl: How much calcium is there in women’s Breasts?
Girl: I don’t have any idea but it has enough calcium to help a Man’s boneless thing to standup!
“Prostitution is the only industry where fresh employees are paid more than the experienced ones”.
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
What Is The Difference Between Sky And
Skirt.?………..……………………………….
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Sky Covers The Whole Universe..
………………………….
Skirt Covers The Universal “HOLE”..!
What is the similarity between a girl & petrol?
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
1. Both are explosive
2. Both are hot
3. Both are dangerous when kept in open…
Bikini is a dress where 90% of the woman body is exposed..
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
but men r very decent.
they dont look at that 90%
they look only at the covered 10%.
Tarzan and the animals went to the river for swimming….
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Tarzan removed all his clothes. All the animals started laughing.
Tarzan asked “Why are you laughing”?
The animals told him……… …….”Your tail is in the front”
Doctor: You look so weak, exhausted.. Are you taking 3 meals a day as I have advised to you?
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Woman: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Difference between your wife and your job?
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Your wife quit sucking after 3 years but your job didn’t.
Difference between, a penis and a Bonus?
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
You’re girlfriend will always blow you bonus.
One night, couple were laying down the husband gently taps
his wife’s hip and starts rubbing her breast.The wife turns over and said: sorry honey, I’ve gynecologist appointment 2morrow and I
want to keep it fresh.”…………………………………..The husband, dejected, turned over and tried to sleep.
Unable to sleep a few minute later, he taps his wife shoulder again. This
time he spoke slowly to her:“Honey,Do you have a dentist appointment 2morrow too?”
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Condom talking to Whisper : Dear, Every month you stop my business for one week
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Whisper says : oh ,if you make a mistake for one time, I’ll loose my business for “Nine” months…..
A man married a Lady Traffic police ,,,,
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
His Friend: How was your wedding night?
Man: She charged Rs 200 for Over speed,
400 for wrong side entry and Rs 800 for not wearing helmet
A woman went to see doctor with inflamed knees.
Doctor:Can you think of any reason why the might hurt?
Woman:My husband and me are making love ten times a week and we always do it in doggy style.
Doctor:Do you know there are other positions as well,
Woman:”Yes,” ……………….not if you want to watch TV as well.
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Girlfriend got into road accident. the girlfriend needed blood to save her life and the boyfriend donated his blood. Some times later they broke up and the boyfriend became angry and told the girl to return him back his blood.
Following month the boyfriend got a mail package from the girlfriend. he opened it and it was containing a used pad and a note saying, “I’ll be paying your blood monthly, so here’s my first installment.”
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
A man was sitting in bus his elbow touched a woman breast.
They are both quite startled.The man turns to woman and says, ‘Madam, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
I know you’ll forgive me.’
She replies, ‘If your penis is as much hard as your elbow, I’m in room 112.
An American was walking on the road in London on a windy day.
A woman was walking on the road towards him when suddenly the wind blows her dress little up. ………she was not wearing her Panties.
The American, trying to speak as native as possible, says to girl, “It’s a bit airy, isn’t it?”
The girl replied angrily, “What did you expect, feathers……there?”
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Question : Why did God give men penises?
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Answer: So that men should have at least one way to shut a woman up.
One Leg of a woman talking the other leg about unity:
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
United We Are Saved,
Divided We Are Fucked…..!!!
If boy is in love
His parents will say
Idiot,who is that girl?If girl is in love
Her parents will say
Who is that idiot?Moral of the story -In love stories, no matter who is in love BOYS are always idiot!
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed examination.Her husband wrote a letter to her parents” Your girl is First Class in Bed”!
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Question: What’s the difference between cricketers and condoms?
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Answer: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.
ADVANTAGES OF BREAST MILK
1: Cat can’t steal it.
2: No need to boil.
3: Available in attractive containers.
4: One is Free with another
5: Popular in all age group
6:No Expiry date
Non Veg Jokes On Friends
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
You came per night
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
You get close to my body and sucked me all over.
You had so much fun and satisfied then left me in pain.
You! Bitch mosquito!
MUM: didn’t I tell you that if a guy touches your A*SS,
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
say DON’T. And if
he touches your B**BS say STOP!
GIRL: But mum, he touched both so i said: DON’T
STOP…!!!
Sex is math:
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
Add 2 bodies,
Subtract the clothes,
Divide the legs and multiply!!!
LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbor’s son has a pe*nis like a peanut!
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
MUM: You mean it’s small?
LITTLE GIRL: No it’s salty!!!
A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing. He was
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.
Latest Statistics: What men do after sex?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
2% eat.
3% smoke cigarettes.
4% take shower.
5% go to sleep.
86% get up and go back home to their wives.
What is a KISS?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
It’s an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?
MAN: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.
Women top 5 lies:
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I can’t do that to my best friend.
2. I won’t gain weight after marriage.
1. I am coming I am coming!!!
Why is your dick better than a credit card?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
1. Once spent it it recharges itself.
2. It is accepted worldwide.
3. You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.
One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.
She asked, “Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you,jonny?”
“Milk!”answered Little Johnny.“No, I’m sorry. That’s the wrong answer. “Roses drink water,”explained the teacher.
“Wow!” Johnny exclaimed. “I didn’t know the stem was that long!”
Women!s Geography
Between the ages of 15 – 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages of 20 – 30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.
Between the ages of 30 – 35, she is like India & Japan. Very hot, wise and beautiful Between theages of 35 – 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.
Between the ages of 40 – 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.Between the ages of 50 – 60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
Between the ages of 60 – 70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future. After 70, they become Siberia. “Everyone knows where is it, but no one want to go there.”
TO ESCAPE THE FIRE?
Scroll Down For The Answer ……
C’mon Guess What The Answer Is??
Come On Folks ….. Its Very Simple..
Still, You Are Thinking!! Can’t Find The Answer?
The Answer Is ….If A Big Monkey Like You Doesn’t Know The Answer. How Do You
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
Expect A Small Baby Monkey To Know …..
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
Bcoz the don’t have balls to scratch
Do u know the full form of WIFE?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
Wonderfull Instrument For Fucking & Entertainment.
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
A. No time at all it is already built frm Imtiyaz
Q.Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese
woman have?
A.Just one. All the others are anniversaries
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
three oranges in the other hand, what would you have ?
A. Very large hands.
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. He sleeps at night.
Q.Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today ?
A :Because he is dead.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become ?
A :It becomes wet.
Q.What often falls but never gets hurt ?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
A : Rain
Q.What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be ?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
A : TOMORROW
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.
Q. What gets wet with drying ?
A : A towel.
Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman ?
A : AGE.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish ?
A : Because it has its own scales.
Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg ?
Pure Non Veg Jokes For Adults
A : Because it is too tyred.
Husband Double Meaning Jokes Non Veg Jokes
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny says, “None.”
The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”
Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”
The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”
Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “Sex?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Reporter: “Holy cow!”
Man: “Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general.”
Reporter: “But isn’t that hostile?”
Man: “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.”
Reporter: “Oh dear!”
Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special.
She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?” “Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.
Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .”
Kid 1: “As if.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”
Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”
Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better.
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying.
A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code.
Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!” The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”
After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, “I had sex with my teacher.” She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done.
As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son’s room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, “I had sex with my teacher.” The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for.
On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, “No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts.”
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big dildo on her.
All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!” He said, “Explain the kids!”
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!”
Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!” Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, “It reminded me of a peanut.”
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally’s mom asked, “Really small, was it?” Sally replied, “No, salty.” Mom fainted.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, “If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady.”
He replies, “If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.”
“Babe is it in?” “Yea.” “Does it hurt?” “Uh huh.” “Let me put it in slowly.” “It still hurts.” “Okay, let’s try another shoe size.”
A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, “What were you and daddy doing?” The mom said, “We were baking a cake.”
A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, “Were you and daddy baking a cake?” She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, “Because I licked the frosting off the couch.”
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, “If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don’t want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times.”
Q: Why is sex like math?
A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: “Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can’t put yours in mine.”
Girl: “Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won’t know the depth of mine.”
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get seven years of bad luck! Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, ”Why are you going to sleep on the floor?”
The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants.
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
Non Veg Jokes For Friends
Why did the sperm cross the road?
“Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.” — brutalanglosaxon
What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
“Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.” — Max_W_
Why do mice have such small balls?
“So few of them know how to dance.” — Jauncin
What do you do if your wife starts smoking?
“Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.” — ThouDanKing
A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office.
“The doctor walks in: ‘Sir, I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.’
Patient: ‘I don’t understand, doc. Why?’
Doctor: ‘Because I’m trying to examine you.’” — 72scott72
What’s the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?
“You get your palm red for free.” — Wedding_Bar_Fight
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
“Uncles.” — SirTurkTurkelton
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
“She gagged.” — WrittenRage
How do you know that you have a high sperm count?
“She has to chew before she swallows.” — exstatik
Three tampons are sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other?
“Nothing. They’re stuck up cunts.” — NuclearJesusMan
If a midget tells you your hair smells nice…
“…is that sexual harassment?” — odies1971
How do you get a Nun pregnant?
“Dress her up as an altar boy.” — DrinkableCrisps
Know what old pussy tastes like?
“Eh. Depends.” — kind2311
If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke.
“If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck.” — WeFeedBees
How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?
“…it’s not hard.” — hlckhrt
Why don’t pedophiles compete in races?
“They always come in a little behind.” — Whitefox07
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
“Because she outgrew her B-shells!” — Gvanderv
What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
“I’ve never had a lentil on my chest.”
Two deer walk out of a gay bar…
One says to the other, ‘Man, I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there!’” — heyscruffalobill
A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.
“Bartender: What’s the matter buddy?
Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?
Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!
Bartender: What about your best friend?
Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG!” — sinister_compliment
What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
“The taste.” — vietbond
What does Trisha put behind her ears to attract men?
“Her ankles.” — Aethestic_3103
What did one lesbian vampire say to another lesbian vampire?
“Same time next month?” — sputnikway
What’s the worst part about going down on your grandmother?
“Banging your head on the lid of the coffin.” — JJayerson
A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre.
“So he gives it to her.” — Son Of The Shire
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
“Where you stick the cucumber.” — Blitz100
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can?
“Because his wife died.” — WrittenRage
Three women are sitting at a bar arguing over who has the biggest vagina.
“The first girl says, ‘My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ The second girl says, ‘Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.” — Belexa
What does a leper say after having sex with a prostitute?
“Keep the tip.” — shittyshittymorph
What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
“A beaver dam.” — azmodan72 Thought Catalog Logo Mark
Non Veg Jokes For Wife
What did the slice of bread hear from the toaster?
Oh, I so want you inside me.
What does Pinocchio often hear from his lover?
She says, “Lie to me! Lie to me!”
My husband and I lived in joy for ten years, and then we met each other.
Why doesn’t a woman blink before foreplay?
Because there isn’t enough time.
I’ve spent the last three years looking for my wife’s killer.
I still haven’t found a person willing to do it.
What is the name given to an expert fisherman?
A master baiter.
Did you hear the story about the man who ejaculated without a penis?
He ended up coming out of nowhere.
Honey, am I the only one you’ve ever been with?
Yes, the others were all sevens or eights.
Do you know why I love you so much?
Because you’re exactly like coffee: Hot, sweet, and you keep me up all night.
What did the wife say to her husband when he tried to make breakfast?
“I love you a waffle lot!”
Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open. The wife said, “Just like you!”
What do you call two spiders who just got married?
Newly-webs.
Why did the husband bring a map to bed?
He wanted to find the right spot to snuggle!
What did the husband say when he dropped the butter?
“Oops, I’ve butterfingers, just like when I first met you!”
Why did the wife take her husband to dance class?
so he could improve his “mover-ability”!
Why did the wife always win at cards?
Because her husband couldn’t stand to see her “heart” broken!
Why did you marry me?
Because you’re my soulmate, and also because my house was really dirty.
What secret ingredient to a happy, long-lasting marriage?
Find a woman who can take care of the household, someone who is wild in bed, and one who is financially blessed. Ensure that these three women never come face-to-face with one another.
The wife got angry at her husband for pulling out. She told him that it was a dick move.
Why couldn’t the husband speak to his wife for several years?
Because she asked him never to interrupt her.
What is the name given to a man who weeps while pleasuring himself?
A tearjerker.
What is common between a dildo and tofu?
They can both be used as substitutes for meat.
What happens when you mix birth control and LSD?
You get a trip without kids.
How can a penis be compared to life?
They both get hard when one is least expecting it.
When should a couple make use of condoms?
They should use it on every conceivable occasion.
What is the similarity between procrastination and masturbation?
It all feels great until you realize that you’re just screwing yourself.
Why will you never find a pregnant Barbie doll?
It’s because Ken comes in another box.
There was once a man who was addicted to masturbation. He then got addicted to sex. It’s safe to say that his addiction got out of hand.
Dr. Pepper exclusively comes in a bottle. Why do you think that is?
It’s because his wife died.
What is the common point between sex and a game of bridge?
Even if you do not have a good partner, it’s essential to have a good hand.
What does a receptionist say to the clients while they leave the sperm bank?
Thank you for coming.
How can you differentiate between marriage and love?
While love might be blind, marriage is undoubtedly an eye-opener.
How is a wife similar to a freezer?
They both take several hours of defrosting to get wet.
How are men different from women?
Women only fake their orgasms, whereas men can fake an entire relationship.
My husband just discovered an origami porn channel. However, it’s a paper view only.
What is the main difference between a job and a wife?
At least a job still sucks after a decade.
A single man often fantasizes about having a gorgeous, kind, and loving wife. A married man wishes for the same thing.
Who is the kid who refuses to grow up and move away from you?
Your husband.
What did the vulva hear from the clitoris?
Hey, it’s all good in the hood.
Double Meaning Non Veg Jokes English
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A: Santa stops after three hos
Mother: “Sweetie, make a Christmas wish.”
Girl: “I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa’s computer.”
Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
“I’m sorry Mickey, but I can’t legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane,” said the judge.
Mickey replied, “I didn’t say she was mentally insane, I said that she’s f*cking Goofy!”
A man saw a lady with big breasts.
He asked, “Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?” She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes.” Eventually the lady asks, “Aren’t you gonna bite them?”
He replies, “No, it’s too expensive.”
A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, “Why on Earth do you need that?!” The little boy says, “Isn’t that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn’t get hard?”
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk, but he accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 436.”
“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled, “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
A boy walks in on his mom and dad having sex. He asks, “What are you doing?” The dad replies, “Making you a brother or sister!” The boy says, “Well, do her doggy style I want a puppy.”
Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
A: Boo-bees
Three words to ruin a man’s ego. “Is it in?”
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because like all men, they won’t stop to ask directions.
Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”
Q: Why is Santa Claus’ sack so big?
A: He only comes once a year.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Two men visit a prostitute.
The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “Heck. My wife is better than that.”
The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “You know? Your wife IS better.”
One day Little Johnny asks his Mum, “How come when I come in to your room you and you’re on top of Daddy, you say you’re making a sandwich, but after a while I come in again, you’re eating a sausage?!”
A kid walks up to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I go bungee jumping?”
The mom says “No, you were born from broken rubber and I don’t want you to go out the same way!”
A guy’s talking to a girl in a bar. He asks her, “What’s your name?” She says, “Carmen.” He says, “That’s a nice name. Who named you, your mother?”
She says, “No, I named myself.” He says, “Why Carmen?” She says, “Because I like cars and I like men. What’s your name?” He says, “Beerfuck.”
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Man: “Hey baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman: “Do not enter.”
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy. Jack got a shock, with a mouth full of cock, to find out Jill’s real name was Randy.
Contest in a girl’s college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner’s story: “Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it.”
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
Q: What do KFC and pussy have in common?
A: Both are finger lickin’ good and after you are done eating you have a box to put the bone in.
An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, “Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.” “I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”
Two men were talking. “So, how’s your sex life?” “Oh, nothing special. I’m having Social Security sex.” “Social Security sex?” “Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”
I had sex with a Chinese woman last night. It was great, but an hour later I was STILL horny!
You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “I can’t do both.”
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
A guy takes his girlfriend to his bedroom, drops his pants, and says, “Meet my little brother.” The girlfriend picks up her purse on the way out and says, “Call me when he grows up.”
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love?
Because they have cotton balls.
Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, “Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air.” The other says, “Sorry, I just burped.”
Funny Non Veg Jokes English
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.” The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
“If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
“I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist.
He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
“Thanks for coming!”
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A Lickalotopus.
What did the leper say to the sex worker?
“Keep the tip.”
What do tofu and dildos have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.
How is playing bridge similar to sex?
If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
Holi Non Veg Jokes
Karat Karat Chudai Se Lund Hoat Balwaan;
Choot Mein Aawat Jaat Se Lund Bane Mahaan!
Kudiyan Kudiyan Kardey Kardey, Tussi;
Jawaani Vich He Tussi Buddhey Ho Jana;
Ena Saaliyan Da Tan Kuchh Ni Jana;
Par Saleyo, Tussi Mutth Maar Maar Ke Kubbey Ho Jana!
Message Boobs Ho Bade Bade;
Bra Mein Ho Khade Khade;
Bar-Bar Chus, Khoob Inko Masal;
Par Tu Daant Se Kaat Mat, Kaat Mat;
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath!
Tu Naa Thakna Kabhi;
Tu Naa Rukna Kabhi;
Roz Bar-Bar Chodne Ki;
Le Shapath Le Shapath;
Agneepath Agneepath Agneepath!
Chand Dekhkar Sitare Bane;
Aasman Dekhkar Badal Bane;
Nadi Dekhkar Kinare Bane;
Aapke Karname Dekhkar NIRODH Ke Karkhane Bane!
Until justice is blind to color,
Until education is unaware of race
Until opportunity is unconcerned,
With the color of mens skins,
Emancipation will be a proclamation
But not a fact. ….
Cor Yar English Viglish ….
Just Happy Holi 2u…<
MAST LADKIYAN
Khoob Khana Peeena Rang Udana
Is Rang Ki Dhundh me hamen na bhulana.
Geet Gaaao Khoshiya manaaao,
Aur Bolo mithi boliyaan,
Hamari Taraf se Aapko…
Very Very HAPPY HOLI..
…..Make merry with colors on Holi
and the rest of the days…..
with the colors of love…..
A true and caring relation
Does not have to speak loud,
A soft sms is just enough,
To express the heartiest feelings.
Enjoy the Holi with lot of fun…
Happy Holi To All …. Dear.. Doston,,
Zinda Raha T0 Tumhara Hi 7 Nibhaoun Ga Bhool Jaun To Samajh Lena K . . Bhabi Mil Gyi He (-,-) ( ‘.’ ) !! _/_ Chalo Begum ;->
Holi Pe Ladki Ghabrate Hue Apne Boy-Friend Ko Boli: “Please Pani Wala Gubbara Mat Fenkna, Main Gili Ho Jaungi”
Ladka: “Achha Aur Khud Jab Tight T-Shirt Pehan Kar Gubbare Dikhati Hai Tab Socha Hai Hum Kitne Gile Hote Honge“
Non Veg Jokes In English For Girlfriend
What does a perverted frog say?
“Rubbit.”
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
What are the three shortest words in the English language?
“Is it in?”
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him?
“Lie to me! Lie to me!”
Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough. From, Pluto
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
Why is diarrhea hereditary?
It runs in your genes.
What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name?
Papa Boner.
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls?
A white Christmas.
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
“Beat it. We’re closed.”
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
Gum.
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Dirty Husband Wife New Fashion Pure Non Veg Jokes
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You have sex with her.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because they won’t stop to ask for directions.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
What did one of the sex worker’s knees say to the other?
“How come we spend so little time together?”
What did the penis say to the vagina?
“Don’t make me come in there!”
What’s the best part about sex with a hundred twenty year olds?
There are a hundred of them.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!” The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A master baiter.
Why did the snowman suddenly smile?
He could see the snowblower coming.
What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A dictator.
Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?
They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?
The wedding ring.
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time.
The penguin isn’t the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love?
Because they have cotton balls.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
